I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
