Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize