dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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