Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
