I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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