Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
