Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
