Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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