She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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