he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
