dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
