we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
