apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
