i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
