I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
