I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
