He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
