hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think my vagina is haunted
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
