This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
