Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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