and you said cock pushups were impossible
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
