just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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