Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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