If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
