you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
