My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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