i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This is the prime rib incident all over again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
