I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
