Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Text me some of your sweat
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