I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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