girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
