paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
