Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
