garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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