Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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