if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize