Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
