Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
