just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
