i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
