i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
