According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
