I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
