The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We smell like vodka and hangover
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
