A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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