Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
