i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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