She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
