9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
