If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
how does that bad decision feel?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize