Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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