atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
