Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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