Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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