i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
nutella sex= disaster
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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