i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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