We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
