so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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