I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize