I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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