Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
