I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
