ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
