I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
