you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
