This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
