More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
