I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Semen is not good for contacts.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
