You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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