He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
