he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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