so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
