apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
