Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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