I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
