think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
