Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Never joke about your clitoris.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
