No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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