I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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