Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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