Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
