end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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