ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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