Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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