We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize