My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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