***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
