But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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