and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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