i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
