I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
