I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize