The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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