my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
