how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
