I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
