Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
