I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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