she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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