Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
