I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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