the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
