wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She bit a glass in half.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
