So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
