its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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