plz talk dirty to me
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
