You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
