dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
